Me and Ms June

PART 1 

It’s been 9 months since I last recorded my humble insignificant life on here. Where have I been and what have I been up to? Well, I can’t exactly say much has changed, except for the following :  

a) finally farewelling a haven of 3 years;

b)moving to somewhere that is vaguely remembered as the land yearned for when I was young and full of dreams( I mean Y.O.U.N.G.!);

c) turning 24((none the wiser, of course);

d) vocabulary of English gradually diminishing (as you can tell when you read on);

e) inability to stay excited and an unstoppable tendency of yawning once the clock strikes twelve midnight;

f) cutting my hair short -thanks to Ringo, my new hair dresser( I could easily fall in love with him if he wasn’t that metrosexual- so metrosexual that he was able to detect the newly-developed outbreak of acne on my face once summer kicked in);

g) acne, one thing that I had to worry little in my life, managing to creep onto my face throughout summer and showing no sign of withdrawl yet (damn, shall i read it as an alarming sign of ageing and thus disintegration of the body’s self-repaire system?)

(to be continued, gotta go to bed, see what I meant by ageing?)

PART 2 (17/09/06)

Six months have flashed through and here i am, comfortably settled at Citizen Cafe, a hideaway from the city’s signature madness, rowdiness and noise. Even though there is a pressing deadline that drives me, I decided I am taking some time to finish this post up. The lighting is soft and dim inside the cafe, the jazz played is smooth and melancholy, customers have started to withdraw and nothing else in this town quite resembles such a scene, one that used to be easily-attainable and occasionally taken for granted.

It indeed takes more than courage to acknowledge the fact that everything is back to square one. To start with, loneliness has conquered this drifting soul time and again. some might laugh their heads off at this as they picutre me move through fairs, rub shoulders with beautiful people and take on a completely dazzling life. When the over-glorified nights are washed away by the ruthless daylight, only the impotent traffic lights bother to catch a glimpse of the draining soul and exchange a faint smile.  

PART 3 (03/10/06)

Caught up with a very endeared friend beofre he flies out of town tomorrow. Maybe it’s going to be a few years when we actually get to meet again. Couldn’t endure any stupid thoughts taking chances and decided to end the latenight catchup very quickly- what was left to say? The past is gone and the flames are out. Wish him all the best.

PART 4 (05/10/06)

I wonder whether I use the word ’settled’ too loosely when it comes to commenting on my latest transit. If I am to be honest, the state I’m in is anything but ’settled’, neither here (home) nor there(my new land). This afternoon, after an aimless stroll around the old town that I grew up in, I decided to take advice from great ancient thinkers who preached ‘I think, therefore I am’. Accompanied by an almost-decent latte and some unstoppable tears fountaining out at certain points, I combed through fragments of mounting anxiety. As I dug deeper into the pile of tiny pieces at the back of my mind, I realised I almost forgot how painful it is to think. No wonder people start to appreciate numbness more than contemplation. The conclusion was positively negative:

I am L.O.S.T.  I don’t know where I am. (To the bloody literal-minded ones, please read this metaphorically). Therefore I am not happy.

The five core elements that constitute my happiness or sense of belonging are: family, friends, reliance/heterosexual love, career, peace. For now, I am scoring a f***ing historic low. It seems now appraches to happiness do not always grow in accordance with the increase of one’s travels. I very much regret my once self-important remark to SDS which claimed people at our age had pretty much experienced most feelings existed and what was left was simply repetition. That was complete bollocks - I am very much lost and I wish there was someone I could lean on and borrow some love, care and wisdom from. And I wouldn’t say I had felt it so strongly before!

I am lost at 24 and I reckon I will end up relying on myself to walk out of this sickening fog, as usual. Though it would be more than nice to have someone by my side for a change .